[ACTOR P.O.V XI ] Things I struggle with

I've taken up a lighting job. Basically it is running lights during a theatre show. The lights have been designed by the lighting designer and I click on buttons to go from cue to cue on the day of shows. I struggle with patience. In life, I sometimes make decisions in haste, later I wish I had waited to understand the situation better. This job has been therapeutic it has helped with the struggle. In simple words it is nothing more than clicking the keys to go to the next cue, monotonous, however, that's just the action. Everyday is different, you must watch the actors, keep your eyes open, you have to listen to every word. When the moment is right at that right pause, right at the sound of a scream or perhaps a stumble, a door slam or a gunshot you must go to cue. It's magic when it works and a horrible mistake when it fails. A mistake, that may cost the actor(s), the moment or even the show and all it takes is a hasty decision.

So I sit with the script in my hands, show after show, following the actors, line after line or may be not with that very precision, because rarely things are that perfect. I must look ahead, I must prepare for what's coming all the while knowing there is a chance it may be different from the night before. A line spoken last night may not be uttered at all tonight. Anything is possible. I must learn from every mistake, and must keep alert with my eyes fixated on either the script or the stage that's opposite the light booth emitting a light blue shade in the dark theatre.

With each cue, I take a deep breath, I click the key and hope for magic. I struggle with patience. This job is therapeutic. I guess all I have to do with every decision I make is wait for the right moment, learn from the mistakes made in the past, take a deep breath, do what must be done and hope for magic, hope for the best.